Taken from: http://askthescholar.com/question-details.aspx?qstID=9137
I was wondering if it is permissible in Islam to "order" his wife. I understand that in matters of need and important situations this is acceptable. However in everyday life can a man exercise this type of behavior? Furthermore does a woman have to oblige?For instance can a man say "I order you to iron my clothes" or "I order you to tell me what you were doing". There is no doubt that a husbands satisfaction and contentment is key to a woman entering jannah but do men possess such a right in ordinary circumstances? If so wouldn't this be unjust as the woman has no choice but to obey?I asked this question previously but have not received a response. JzkAssalamualaikum
The basis of marriage life in Islam is mutual respect, love, and affection, rather than one party dominating the other.
Allah says, "Among His signs is that He created for you spouses of your own kind, in order that you may repose in tranquility with them, and He has implanted in your hearts mutual love and affection for one another. Certainly, in these are signs for those who reflect (on God's wisdom)". (Qur'an: 30:21)
Allah also ordered husbands to treat their wives with utmost kindness and affection, and the Prophet (peace be upon him) said, "The best one among you is he who is best to his family; I am the best to my family."
Anas b. Malik, one of his companions who accompanied for ten years, had this to say about the Messenger of Allah, "I never saw anyone kinder than him to his family."
Therefore, no husband has the right to treat his wife, as if she were a maid, and order her around. That is not an acceptable behavior in Islam. Marriage life is different from a corporation. It is all about shared feelings of respect and love.
I would, therefore, advice for both of you to see a professional Muslim counselor who should help both of you to resolve the tensions in your marriage. You may also do well to order a copy of Blissful Marriage: A Practical Islamic Guide by Ekram Beshir. You can get it from amazon.ca or amazon.com.